The End of Normal - Exploring Life After Crisis | Thought-Provoking Book on Societal Change & Personal Resilience | Perfect for Book Clubs & Self-Reflection

It’s hard for me to find books I enjoy, but I tend to gravitate towards memoirs and the like. I don’t want to say I “loved” this book because by doing so, it feels like it sounds like I “loved” this book because of the tremendous amount of loss that Stephanie, the author, has endured; that is not the reason I enjoyed this book so much. I enjoyed this book not only because it gives outsiders an inside look into the Madoff scandal (though I never had any doubt anyone but B*rnie knew what was really happening behind closed doors), but because Stephanie is truly inspiring in her efforts to save her family and in moving forward, despite all of the unthinkable obstacles she has been faced with in the aftermath that B*rnie has left behind.Beyond her strength, i enjoyed this book because selfishly, I cannot count the times throughout this book I thought to myself “omg, is this me?” … I think Stephanie MM and I might be the same person. From preferring to wear a Timex (when a Rolex is within reach), to loving the escape only Real Housewives of NY can offer (as well as a love of SoulCycle), to resenting family members for inviting too many people to a rehearsal dinner, and then reinventing themselves to become personal shoppers and hone the advice of spiritual gurus…. The similarities were uncanny. Stephanie if you read this, call me LOL. I am your soul sister. Would love a weekend in Nantucket with you where we go on long long runs (by ourselves) and regroup for margaritas, real housewives, while reading Harpers Bazaar and curating outfits for clients.The widow of Bernie Madoff’s son Mark spins a compelling narrative about her Cinderella marriage which turned into a special hell when Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme imploded. Two years later her husband Mark commits suicide. Stephanie is left as the widowed mother of two children under the age of five. Unfortunately she reveals herself in the course of the narrative to be a spoiled petulant and vindictive individual, remarkably immature and prone to attacking when she should be conciliatory. But overall, this is a good read.I enjoyed learning about the family life beyond Bernie and what a distraction he created in his own family as well as all of his Jewish friends who is stole from and seems to have no remorseThere is an unspoken narcissistic edge to this telling that unnerves this reader. Written in controlled anger towards everyone she feels wronged by, there is still the story of an honest man in the midst of a vortex of unjustified accusations of dishonesty. But it is not the end of normal. It is instead the end of the pretense of normal and the undoing of more than one nuclear family. Purgative rather than healing. Disturbing in the author’s unwillingness to take responsibility for her own harsh words impetus toward her husband’s suicide given the swiftness with which it followed her diatribe, she settles her blame on others. One hopes healing follows.The Madoffs were never the picture perfect family. When Stephanie first started going out with Mark Madoff, son of celebrated investor Bernie Madoff, she had to navigate a minefield of complex family situations - her eccentric in-laws, two stepchildren and a demanding ex-wife behind the scenes, as well as a boyfriend who was a decade older and already soured on marriage. With a few self-centred tantrums to her own credit, Stephanie eventually won the day, marrying Mark and starting a family of her own. And then the real story starts. While she was heavily pregnant with her second child, Mark and his brother Andy learned that the father they idolized was actually the biggest con artist in history, and his facade was about to tumble down. When Bernie asked his sons for $140 million to cover his crime, they did not hesitate - they went straight to the police. Despite their actions, Mark and Andy were publicly branded as criminals along with their father, and Mark was emotionally destroyed.Even today, people still speculate that the Madoff sons conspired with their father, and this book successfully refutes that notion - portraying a sensitive and loving man who was proud of doing his job well, but at the end of the day just wanted to come home to his family. Stephanie describes his spiralling descent into self-destruction with painful honesty - like everyone else, Stephanie clearly made mistakes and didn't give Mark the help he needed. But what could anyone do?Reading this in 2015, I'm stunned at how recently all this happened. It was only in 2008, that the Madoffs were still the "perfect" smiling family, the successful investor and his loyal wife, his two sons proving their own ability in the family business. I've heard it said that Bernie Madoff used his son as a "human shield" to cover his own crimes and I think that must be true.Stephanie's acidic honesty adds credibility to her portrayal of Mark as another innocent victim, although this same honesty doesn't make her a likeable personality. While her husband is alone and in pain on the anniversary of his father's arrest, he kept texting her until she was infuriated that he was spoiling her special time with their daughter. She starts petty vindictive fights with her sister-in-law and resents the presence of Mark's ex-wife. While she initially acted very graciously to her mother in law Ruth after Bernie's arrest, once Mark died, Stephanie was ringing his ex-wife demanding to know if Ruth is there, as if this is a betrayal of Stephanie. She recounts conversations and arguments honestly enough that you can hear the exhaustion in the other person's voice and you can imagine the heavy dread they must have felt every time Stephanie called. Throughout her husband's family crisis, her focus is entirely on herself and there is little compassion or insight for other people's perspective. For me, this made it a more interesting book because I think this does happen to some degree when families under extreme stress focus on petty issues - and unless someone steps away and says "Let's agree what is important here," the pressure can become too much.It is a tragedy that an intelligent and honorable man didn't have an opportunity to clear his name or to reach out to the other victims of his father's crime. Frustratingly, there must have been a way to turn this into a positive, but with everyone in survival mode, nobody saw the man crying out for help. While we might not be able to relate to how Madoff's crime destroyed his family, we can relate to how petty family politics can drive people apart in times of crisis.I read this in one sitting; simply couldn't put it down. It's not just about the unthinkable acts of man who ruined so may lives through unadulterated greed. It's also an heartfelt love story, and a reminder that what goes on in the inner sanctum of family is rarely what is presented on the outside. This book was especially jolting because I happened to be in New York, in front of Mark Madoff's apartment within an hour of his tragic suicide. The street was filled with news vans and police, and at the time, I didn't have any idea of what had happened. ( I actually thought it was filming on a live movie set) It was later in the evening when I switched on the news that the whole horrible scenario played out.The book is so well written, and tells the story that the media didn't. It's an honest account of the life, and the family of the clever but ruthless Bernie Madoff from a completely different perspective. His actions had the ripple effect of ruining the lives of thousands of his investors, and that's the part we know. But it made me believe wholeheartedly in the innocence of Bernie Madoff's sons and made me cry for the sorrow he put his whole family through.The review above is a very good summary of this book, and draws very similar conclusions to my own about the rationale of the actions and motives of all the players in the Madoff Family Saga. Certainly they were a disparate collection of souls with not too many attractive traits.The outcome of the mega fraud carried out over many years by Bernard, with or without the knowledge or family abetment has yet to be determined, brought down untold grief, and devastation on many, many families who were financially ruined by this blatant Ponzi rip-off. This accepted, it is difficult when reading Stephanie Madoff Mack's account not to feel a sense of profound sadness at the consequences of this awful episode on her and her children - one would not wish this purgatorial tsunami on anybody especially a widow and her young family.The book has been well written, I’d assume by a ghost writer but Stephanie Mack is a self centred narcissist, how can anyone in their right mind forbid a mother from her sons memorial. Stephanie Mack doesn’t take into account how terribly desperate Mark was when he took his life, she’s pretty vile, I wouldn’t buy a new copy of this book as financially I wouldn’t want her to gain from my purchase. She is evil.The book was very interesting, reading like a novel.I read this book in two sittings...it’s extremely well written.What it left me with was this; when money, privilege, greed and prestige are the building blocks of relationships, you will be left with nothing. This family put so much stock into their lifestyles and careers that without them, they felt they had nothing. It’s such a sad story all around.I can say that Daniel seems to be the most sane one of the bunch and family members should be rushing to him for solutions. He just wants everyone to get along. I felt for Ruth in all of this in some ways...It’s all just such a mess.Forgiveness is the only way forward and I don’t see that happening any time soon. There’s still so much anger.